The Misadventures of Timmy and Remy
by DoctorLazarus
Summary: When Timmy has family issues he runs away to Remy's mansion to stay for a few days. On hiatus (sorry, creative block :P)


Dimmsdale, 7:00pm. One of the worst storms to ever hit the city was currently raging outside, bringing torrential rain and wind howling against the windows of the Buxaplenty mansion where Remy was residing. His parents had decided to take a vacation to the Caribbean to get some sunnier weather, especially now that Remy had his 17th birthday not too long ago and could be left home alone, leaving him without anything to do.

Of course, he could get one of his butlers to hang out with him, but after two seconds of thinking Remy decided he would rather have someone who genuinely wanted to be with him instead of being paid to do so. Unfortunately, the number of people who fell into that category was zero. There wasn't anyone he really even _knew_ in this town. Well, except for that one Turner kid.

Ah yes, Timmy Turner. It might have been years since he saw Timmy, but you don't easily forget a boy with giant teeth wearing a pink hat and shirt all the time. Remy could swear he used to hate him, something about having 4 parents, but every time he tried to recall that memory his mind came to a blank. As far as he knew, Timmy only had two parents (and he asked a lot of people about that). Remy tried to recall why he hated that pink-hatted boy again, but he still couldn't remember any details about it. Instead, an image of some fish came up.

Fish? What on earth made him think of fish? Remy rolled his eyes and gave up, but the image of fish reminded him of food. "I could go for some fish right now," he muttered to no one in particular, wondering if it was worth the effort to get up and see if there was any fish in the fridge. It was then that the doorbell rang.

"Someone get the doorbell!" Remy yelled hoping one of the butlers would hear him. There was a scrambling of feet as someone rushed to the door, the sound of the door being unlocked, then a conversation of some sort that Remy couldn't quite hear due to the rain outside.

Eventually someone stuck his head in Remy's room. "Master Remy, there's someone at the door claiming he knows you."

"Well, who is it? I can't see that far, you know."

"I'm afraid I don't know, sir. But he says his name is Timmy."

Timmy. No way it's the same Timmy, is it? With some reluctance Remy got out of his comfy chair and went downstairs to the front door, where he saw a familiar figure. The teeth, the shirt, the hat…Timmy Turner was at the door, of all people. And he was positively soaked from the rain.

"Why are you here? I mean, really, there's a storm outside. You think this is a good time to be wandering about Dimmsdale?"

Timmy bit his lip. "I didn't come here by choice, Remy. I came here because I'm asking if I could stay at your house for a few days."

"Okay, firstly, it's a mansion. Not a house. Second, why? We haven't talked in years. I don't even know you that well."

"I had a falling out with my parents, okay? I just need a place to stay for a few days while I get my life together."

"Oh, good job, Turner. You manage to annoy your parents. I don't even get parents. Well, I do, but they're always busy so they might as well be-"

"They're not that great either, okay? They're…" Timmy faltered for a second before blurting out, "They're assholes."

That took Remy by surprise. "Assholes?"

"Yeah." Timmy bit his lip again. Remy couldn't see clearly from the rain, but now that he looked closely Timmy looked close to crying. "They were always leaving me with that horrible babysitter, and now that I'm old enough, they don't even bother. Just a note saying they're gone and won't be back until midnight or something. There's not even any food in the fridge."

Oh yeah, Remy was going to check on the fridge for fish. Remy's attention wandered for a bit before remembering Timmy was still there.

"So I was talking to them about how they always leave me alone, and they say that I should be happy that they're not around so I get some privacy and they get some mom-and-dad time. They are just so…FUCKING incompetent!"

"Woah. Language!"

"I don't care, ugh! I'm sick of it, and I guess I finally got sick of it so I said a few choice words to them. That got them upset and they kicked me out of the house. Can I _pleeeease_ stay for a few days?"

"Oh, Turner. You always have the ability to mess everything up. Why don't you stay at one of your friends' houses instead?"

"Uhh…"

Remy sighed. "You chose me because I have a mansion, didn't you?"

"…Maybe?"

"Ugh. Fine, come in. I wanted some company anyway. Also, because it's raining outside and sending you away seems a bit mean. Also, because I can gloat. Ha, your life sucks."

Timmy turned away and Remy could hear a sob coming from him, which made him immediately regret saying that. "Never mind. My life sucks too. Now stay here and take off those wet clothes while I get you a fresh set; I don't want you ruining the carpet." Remy snapped his fingers and within a minute someone came and handed a fresh set of clothes to Remy. Except they were taken from Remy's wardrobe.

"Really? My clothes?"

"There are no other ones that fit I'm afraid, Master Remy."

"Well he's not having my clothes. He can just wait while his clothes dry." Turning around Remy saw that Timmy had taken to his instructions and taken his clothes off, leaving only a pair of briefs.

"You're gonna have to go around like that for a while, Turner. There aren't any clothes that would fit you."

"I guess that's fine. You don't mind me walking around in my undies do you?" Apparently Timmy still used the word undies. Remy wanted to say that yes, he did mind Turner walking around wearing only his briefs but decided to hold his tongue. If he'd complained, there wasn't exactly anything Timmy could do, without any clothes to change into.

"No, feel free to walk around looking like a weirdo. Mind you don't catch a cold." Remy also decided to hold his tongue at mentioning that the briefs seemed to be a tad tight for Timmy, and the shape of his bulge was quite visible beneath. Who still wears briefs at that age?

"Can I get something to eat? Like, dinner?"

"Yeah, sure. Help yourself. Wait, I mean get something inexpensive. Kitchen's that way." Timmy left which left Remy staring at his behind, wondering if he should go back to his room. No, he'd better not. He should probably keep an eye on Turner in case he did something stupid, reckless or both.

Timmy returned not long after with one of the microwave dinners that the Buxaplentys liked to keep around in case they felt like food but were too lazy to get one of their cooks to make something. Well, at least Turner had the sense to pick something cheap, though in bad taste if you asked Remy as he spied asparagus in the meal. Ew.

While Timmy sat down at the dining table that for some reason Remy's parents had decided to put in the main hall, Remy tried to put on a disinterested look. Unfortunately the briefs Timmy were wearing might as well be a neon sign saying "LOOK AT ME", and Remy couldn't help but look. Stare was probably the better word. Timmy had noticed where Remy's gaze landed and was blushing, fidgeting a bit to try and hide his crotch from view. It amused Remy to no end that he was embarrassing the boy without even doing anything.

"Would you not look at my weenie please Remy?" Again, Remy had to resist the urge to burst out laughing at Timmy's choice of words. "Turner, if you want to be taken seriously you need to use another word instead of weenie. You call your parents assholes and you decide to use such a childish word to refer to your genitals."

"I don't like using bad words, okay? It only happens when I'm really angry." Internally, Remy was shaking his head, not in exasperation but in bemusement. Timmy might be 17, but he still acted like a ten year old.

"Then use the word penis. And please, don't say pee-pee, or I will have no choice but laugh hysterically."

"Pee pee."

"Oh, you are such a jerk. I'm going to my room. If you need me, it's the third door on the left in the right wing after you take the east staircase." Remy headed off, although he couldn't help but notice a small smile forming on Timmy's lips. To tell the truth, Remy was glad Timmy is here, his childish personality a big contrast from the serious atmosphere that stemmed from the house and his parents all the time. Remy really couldn't remember why he hated that kid so long ago. He dismissed it as silly kid rivalries.

* * *

Remy must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew someone was standing next to him shaking him awake. "…Uh, what…" Remy shook his head, trying to get his head clear. Eyes came to focus on a little buck-toothed boy leaning a bit too close to him.

"Ah! Good grief Turner, you scared me." Remy pushed the offending face away, causing Timmy to stumble a bit.

"Sorry. My clothes are dry, at least. So now you don't have to look at my _pee pee_." Said Timmy, emphasizing the last two syllables.

"Oh, for the love of Jorg-stop saying that."

"Anyway, I was wondering where I could take a bath-"

"Shower. You are not raking up our water bill." Remy crossed his arms.

"Fine. Where could I take a shower, and where do I sleep?" In response, Remy gestured towards the door. "Directly opposite us is the bathroom. My bathroom, to be precise, so you don't trash one of the guest bathrooms. You could just sleep on the floor, I guess."

Timmy frowned. "Remy, I can't sleep on the floor! Can't I at least get a cot or something?"

This time, Remy couldn't hold it back and burst out laughing. "A cot?! You're okay with sleeping in a cot?! Ah, I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard."

"Well you didn't seem to want me sleeping on a bed, so…"

"I was kidding, Turner. Whew, haven't laughed like that in so long. Thanks for that."

Timmy paused. "…Did you…actually…thank me for something?" Now that he'd come to think of it, this was the first time Remy recalled saying thanks to Timmy. It wasn't that he didn't have manners (for some reason having rich parents usually meant also having strict parents), he just didn't have much to thank Timmy for in the past.

"Huh, I guess I did. Go pick a bedroom you like except for the master bedroom. I'd suggest one close to mine so you don't get lost." Timmy nodded and prepared to leave, but opened his mouth to say something.

"Hey, uh, Remy. I know we didn't get along in the past so I want to say thanks for all that you're doing for me."

"No problem, Turner; you can repay me later. Honestly, I can't recall what caused our feud all those moons ago. Do you?"

Timmy shook his head. "No, my mind just comes up blank. Either that, or my goldfish come up."

"Strange. When I try to recall images of goldfish come up too. What were the names of them again?"

"Kuh…" That was all Timmy managed to say before he seemed to go mute. "Nope. I only get a 'C'."

"You never got a C. You got Fs."

Timmy bit his lip again, and Remy sensed he'd hit a sore point. By what he'd learned of Timmy over the past hour he'd retort with some funny remark. "Hey, don't worry. You don't need a college education to get a good job."

"Remy…" Timmy paused in consideration, opening and closing his mouth a few times as if wondering if he should tell him. Eventually he gave a sigh and said in a small voice, "I…failed high school."

"You…oh." For once Remy didn't know how to reply to that. The two looked at each other awkwardly before Timmy turned around and left the room. A few moments later Remy heard the sound of the shower being turned on, but amidst the noise he could still hear Timmy's sobs. Wow. Remy didn't realise how much Timmy's life sucked.

Remy got up from his comfy chair once again and walked across the corridor, knocking on the bathroom door. "Turner, open up. Let's talk."

"I'm showering, Remy."

"Why does that matter? I'm coming in." Timmy had apparently not locked the door, either because he forgot or he usually doesn't. At the sight of Remy, though, Timmy gave a small shriek. "Why do you have to be here? Can't this wait? I'm naked!"

"Turner, just an hour ago you were prancing about in your underwear. I guess I'm more comfortable being in the nude since there's hardly anyone to see you in a large mansion like this, but clearly you are a bit shyer. Did you really fail high school?" Unhappily, Timmy gave a nod.

"I…didn't manage to get enough points for the certificate, and there won't be a position in the world that would hire someone who only has an elementary school education. I don't know what to do, Remy."

"Grades aren't everything. Not everyone can be academically brilliant, and just because you fail tests doesn't mean you're not smart. You're just not book smart."

"Then what other smarts are there?"

"Wits, for one. That's much more important than knowing where Lake Titicaca is. But let us not dwell on this subject matter; it's getting depressing and I want to enjoy life. Do you drink? Beer, saké, vodka, whiskey, champagne – please don't say champagne because that's expensive."

"Uh, hello? In the middle of a shower here?"

"Fine, I will be back in my room. If you'd care to join me after your shower we could have a little something together, that is, if you aren't the sort of person that goes to sleep at 9:00pm."

"Heavens no. I usually go to bed at eleven."

"That's still quite early. Usually I sleep at one. Gives me time to admire the night sky when the lights in the city are out. Join me if you want to."

Apparently Timmy was someone who enjoyed long showers. Remy had been waiting on the balcony sipping a beer for a few minutes now, and when Timmy didn't show, Remy thought he'd decided to go to sleep. But the shower in the bathroom was still on, so Remy crossed out that hypothesis and waited rather impatiently for Timmy to come.

Still, while he had the time to himself, Remy decided to spend time going over the events of the day. He'd been surprised to see Timmy at the door, but he'd come to realise he'd also felt a small bit of happiness at seeing him. It would be nice to spend a few days with someone instead of no one. Then there was the image of Timmy in his underwear, which left Remy wondering what exactly he had beneath that fabric. From the shape of the bulge Remy could make a reasonable guess, and it was honestly a bit more than what Remy expected. Even assuming he had an erection, which was rather unlikely, Remy believed Timmy might actually be bigger than him. That wasn't a comfortable thought for Remy, so he moved on.

Had Timmy been with anyone? He knew that Timmy once fancied Trixie, but now that years have passed Timmy would probably have set his sights on someone else. Was he still a virgin? More importantly, does he still like girls? He'd had a suspicion that Trixie was just a façade, considering he seemed to spend less and less time trying to go for her and instead hanging out with his male friends instead. Far more time than people who are just friends usually spend, anyway. Eyeing the drink he held in his hand, Remy got an idea – and just in time, too, for Timmy was coming up behind him.

"Hey Remy."

"Hey, I see you joined – ew, gross. Are you wearing the same clothes?"

"I don't have anything else to change into."

"Are you also planning to sleep in them?"

"Well, yeah."

Remy went back inside his room and grabbed a set of boxers. "At the very least change your underwear, or you'd stink. Literally."

"Don't you have any briefs? Boxers feel too roomy to me. I don't like having the wind blowing down there."

"Seriously, you are such a child. No, I don't have any briefs. Take it or leave it. Or you could go without underwear." Seeing as he didn't have a choice Timmy put on the boxers. "Are these your boxers?"

"Of course they are. You don't think I have random pairs of peoples' underwear lying about, do you?"

"This is kind of weird wearing second hand boxers."

"Oh zip it, you know who previously owned them. It's not like you're putting them on right after I wore the pair. Now, grab something from my mini fridge and let's go out to enjoy the stars." Timmy nodded and reached for some lemonade when Remy stopped him.

"Woah, woah, woah. Lemonade? That won't do. Get something with alcohol, it'll help you feel better.

"I don't drink though. Besides, we're underage."

"Who cares? A little won't hurt you. Here, start with something light." Remy tossed Timmy a can of something and grabbed another one himself, gesturing him over to the balcony. "There's a full moon tonight. Lovely night sky."

"You're making this sound like a date."

Muttering under his breath, Remy gave a small smile. "If you want to we could make it one."

"What?"

"Nothing. I just like astronomy, that's all. If you look over that way you can see the Big Dipper. Classic constellation of course, but in this time of year it is far more interesting to see the astrological sign of-"

"Yeah, yeah. You know about stars." Timmy opened his beer and downed half of it in one big gulp.

"Merely pointing out there are finer things in life to enjoy instead of wasting it worrying over petty squabbles and grades. Cheers?"

"Cheers." Both teens finished their beers in one go, returning their gaze on the sky above them. Unbeknownst to Timmy, Remy was paying close attention to Timmy's behaviour. After a bit, Timmy's gaze became unfocused, a small goofy smile plastered on his face, occasionally giving out a few giggles at nothing in particular. Hoping that his hunch was right and Timmy was getting drunk instead of being more of a goofball than usual, Remy smoke.

"Timmy, remember when I said that you can repay me later for food and shelter?"

"Hmm?"

"You can repay me now."

"Remy, you know…you know I donch hash money." Timmy was starting to slur his words.

"I don't want your measly dollars, Timmy. Rather, kiss me."

"Uhwhat?"

"I want a kiss."

Timmy probably wouldn't have agreed under normal conditions but the alcohol was clouding his judgement. "Shure. Whynot?" With that, Timmy leaned in and gave Remy a quick kiss, but Remy grabbed his head and pulled Timmy close, running his tongue along Timmy's buck teeth and turning the kiss into a make-out session. Timmy's baby blue eyes were staring at Remy droopily, a bit in astonishment and confusion but not sober enough to fully realise what was going on. Eventually Remy let go. Timmy looked at him for a second with a blank expression before his face broke out into a huge smile.

"Remy! Good wan. Naish kish." Timmy held his arms out for a hug, which Remy accepted. "See, Timmy? You just need to relax. And since you're drunk, hopefully you won't remember our little secret tomorrow." Remy traced a finger along Timmy's back.

"Hmm, yesh…awittle secret."

"So, how do you feel about me, Timmy? Like, seriously. Do you like me?"

"Kinda. Yor weird in a kinda way."

"Has anyone told you you're hot?" Remy's finger reached down to Timmy's butt and gave it a few squeezes.

"No…no one. Do yoos think I'm hot?"

"Of course, Timmy. You've got a nice package down there, though a bit small. And those teeth make you cute."

"Mosh…mosh people laugh at me teeth. You think I'm cute?"

"Yup." Remy tapped Timmy's teeth as if to make a point. "These things make you look adorable. I don't know why I never realised that before. I really hope you're into men or this would suck for me. Tell me Timmy, are you gay?"

But Timmy had already dozed off and started snoring, dropping the can he was holding. Shrugging his shoulders, Remy knelt down and picked it up.

"Glad you didn't inspect the label of this closely, or you'd have seen it's a lot stronger than a beer. Sad you fell asleep before you could answer me what your sexuality was. Oh well, at least I got a kiss out of it." Remy dragged Timmy's unconscious body over to his bed – no point bringing him to another room – and threw away the two cans of drinks they had. Lying down next to Timmy, Remy gave a small smile. "Good night, cutie."


End file.
